I just wanted to address this topic. As with all topics, I may visit it again. I know this blog is a very emotional place. Full of the 'downs' of my Life mostly, with smatterings of how I (Or we sometimes..) cope with them. In those tidbits are rays of good but not usually a post that just says 'THIS IS GOOD.. LET ME SHARE..".
Why? I unpacked that a bit and the conclusion that I came up with is that I'm usually too busy enjoying the good moments to write them down in the way I do the painful ones for sure. I also just don't share those things because I don't necessarily feel like folks receive good news as a whole very well. It's sort of glossed over AND all good news isn't exactly something I want to invite people into. The other factor is people don't usually look for guidance, solace, or hope through the posting of good acts solely. They usually need to hear how you got through the adversity so that's what I give here.
That said, plenty of good times happen in between these difficult and trying times I post on here. Yes, that includes the last 10 years. I did open up about my daughter's graduation and...NOPE... WE AREN'T DOING THAT. Positive post here. :) Almost slipped up there. Human.
Anyhow, there are plenty of good things going on. I've been places. Done things and had wonderful times with folks. It hasn't been all gloom and doom. There's no need to act like it has been. I might share a few here now and again. Some of that stuff, surprise surprise, is even too private for me to share and I share SOME STUFF. This falls under the file of "I may NOT SHARE.."
For some, this is a place where I just 'get to be the victim' and I'm the villian in their villian story. You got it. I'm not addressing that utter nonsense in this post anymore than with these two sentences. Another time man. Another time.
I know, due to the visits, there are wants and desires for me to speak on a certain subject. In depth and detail. Like I have before at times. With a certain someone else. That's up to me. Perhaps if we were on terms where you could ask me, you'd just know and not have to come here to read it but we aren't. We all can't know everything. You'll deal. There might be EVERYTHING TO TELL or NOT A DAMN THING AT ALL. Some things you are just going to have to go with whatever narrative you've come up with in your heads. It wasn't like you weren't going to do that anyway so me elaborating or telling things is a futile thing. I've enjoyed keeping that under wraps for the last say 4 years relatively on all of my other platforms and only really releasing tidbits here. It's not about needing to prove anything either way honestly. It's just really my choice as to whether to talk about things or not. Good or bad. The rest of the good things may get talked about here but we'll see.
My DEFAULT for writing here is to talk vaguely about what I may or MAY NOT BE GOING THROUGH AT THE TIME I'VE WRITTEN SOMETHING. Sometimes, HELL MOST TIMES before 2012, it was NEVER ABOUT ME or what I went through. It was about what I'd seen or helped people through. Any time I wanted to talk about myself SPECIFICALLY, I'd just say that and it was taken as my word. Loss of Life and tragedy swayed the direction a bit & it's become much more current in nature when I post. I'm not here to tell you that it hasn't. It has. There were certain things that at play that helped push it in that direction too.
The other side of me still EXISTS THOUGH. The side that likes to share what I know, seen or been through that I'm NOT GOING THROUGH NOW. Thus, it has and will show here more. You've seen it recently in some capacity.
Am I 'okay'? Today, in this moment, I am. I have to allow myself to be that so, like all of you, I can continue to do Life like we all have to do. It comes and goes. Like anything else. Doesn't mean tomorrow I will or won't be okay. At present, I also don't do daily postings so if I'm not okay tomorrow, it might be weeks, months or years before that is ever truly known.
I know that doesn't satisfy many folks need to know and that's the beauty of it. I don't have to be a slave to that. I can do it how I want to. Either you will read or you won't. Either way, I'm going to write it.
Any pure intentions to check on me via this medium are met with the sincerest thanks and gratitude. Any unpure intentions to misunderstand, make it about you or any of that other shit I rebuke. Period.
I'm calm. All is quiet. I'm living and minding my business over here. Like always.
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