I'm probably like most of you were when you were a young kid. Even thinking about being 50 years old seemed almost like a burden. That age sounded so old AND if you coupled it with how most folks looked at that age when I was say 12 or so, it wasn't what you 'aspired to be'. (I think in hindsight, we were a tad bit harsh on folks back then but whatever..). It was just not a positive thing. Period. Unless of course you wanted someone to live longer for your own selfish reasons.
Fastforward to my birthday the other day and me hitting that mark.
It feels NOTHING like I thought it would but everything I'd HOPED IT WOULD. Long have I given up thoughts of wanting to be 'twentysomething' or dating in that range so there was no 'remorse' in that way. Just thoughts of being grateful to be alive and move somewhat freely. That's it. I can still be somewhat active, thankfully.
I can only take other people's word for it when it comes to how old I actually 'look'. Most are surprised. Let's just say that.
Did I celebrate? Yeah. I did. Hell, I'll probably be 'celebrating' for awhile. Probably not in the way most of you do though. I'm not one for a crowd of people gathering for my birthday whom I don't really fool with but who are just there because they needed a place to go. I don't do clubs or hookah lounges. The strip club? Nah.
I don't need folks stretching their pockets in this economy either. I'm good. Thank you though for those that did do something. Near and far. I appreciated it.
I just really needed to reflect and be thankful for being here so that's what I've been doing with little celebrations here and there. Even managed to 'go out' a few, which is something I actually don't do much anymore.
Been a lot so far @ making it to this age. We are just trying to keep it in the road right now. Truly. Made it this far though!
I always get on here and make sure I make a point to say I'm not 'perfect' because I often worry that little phrase will pop up. Call it a traumatic response or whatever it is folks are labeling things as these days. I call it annoying so I'm putting that shit to rest. Just know if any positive thing I say leads you to AUTOMATICALLY say "You aren't perfect... You think you are special, huh?", I'm booting you SMOOTH THE FUCK up outta my space with no hesitation. Go project your bullshit elsewhere. Been working on that since September. Going pretty well but I have to do even better. Your insecurities are just that. Yours. Not mine.
I DID treat myself (times 2 'cause..) to a musical wish. I can't wait to attend that. I didn't want that gift attached to anyone so I got it for myself. I've learned over time it's just better not to do that. Should be a good time. No matter how I go, I 'm going to enjoy it because it is something that I like.
Fiddy. Feels good. Can't use that '4' anymore. lol I'm also not mad I'm here. Go debate ya....
