Update: 10/21/21: She is the proud mama of a baby girl (August 30th, 2021). Yes, that makes me a Pop Pop. Life keeps on going. Still in college and almost finished actually.
She Dreams Of Losing Me and I Dream of Losing 'Her'
November 19th....sleep has been quite elusive since that morning and the gap between good night and good morning has become ever so near..
Her face.. the blood... Giants blanket...a true blood diamond gleaming her ear..
My gun on the ground....her laying peaceful like an angel...the pain ebbing still to this day..soft sobs can be hurt throughout my house..
If you listen closely, you can hear a slight creaking... the Angel of Death's recurring visits in the night (and even the days)...from the loss of my spouse..
All of us affected, no one more so than my middle child..she often comes to find the solace and the comfort that only a Father brings...
Her Father seeking that same comfort....taking doses of it from the child.. funny what comes to you even when the pain rings...
You see, she dreams about losing me EVERY NIGHT..the dreams seem so vivid..she awakes shaking and a with a fistful of tears... since that clear morning in November....
I have awaken to find her at my feet..trying to blend in.. trying to rock herself to sleep..her World so solid before that day... trying to remember..
I've awoken to her crying in her sleep....the fear fresh in her eyes...I've awoken to her sitting up..trying to be a 'big girl like her Mommy'.. putting on that 'I'm okay' disguise...
I know the mask well. I've tried to put it on myself but I gave up LONG AGO.. I feel the pain of her dreams..For every dream 'she' has had about losing me..comes the vivid memory of finding 'her'. .It is like our dreams are playing tag team....interwoven in our thoughts and dreams throughout the night...
She dreams of losing me... I am dream of losing 'her'.... Her dreams are begat from the subject of my dreams... damm....what a plight....
I've dreamed of her DREAMING OF LOSING ME AND HOW THAT WOULD BE.
I've had it where they BOTH WERE GONE... and I couldn't save EITHER ONE OF THEM.....Yeah.. try that shoe on B.....
I mean, I've given her traits TOO NOW and within her I do dwell.....
Her Momma gave her traits too though.. I think we all know those too well...
The difference is that I get to work with my daughter THROUGHOUT HER LIFE God willing. Or at least make it KNOWN what needs to be done for her own sanctity and well being..
I can BREAK THE CYCLE. I can take that 'drive' and channel it POSITIVELY.. Give her Life a whole new meaning..
It is dark now y'all..pitch black at times even..
Hey babygirl it's your Daddy....LISTEN HERE... I DON'T PLAN ON LEAVING..
She is gonna see this... Tonight. I already typed it out. Hopefully she puts it somewhere safe and the days I'm not around.. she can read it. All three of 'em....Because while I may have alluded to 'one of them', in reality, they have ALL DONE what she did at one point or another. In their own way.
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