You can se the PUBLISHED date to the left. This was written in real time that day.
I never wanted this place to become something where I felt 'obligated' to share stuff and anytime it started to feel that way, I've withdrawn. I say that because there's a difference between wanting to share something so that other people can use it and MAYBE apply it to their situations/use it to vent out frustrations and feelings as opposed to straight up being obligated to tell EVERY SINGLE FACET OF YOUR LIFE at all times.
Of course there are other determining factors. How much joy or pain the Life may be bringing at the moment. The need to tell 'my side of things' and stuff like that but at a certain point, even for me, sharing here does get limited. ESPECIALLY when I feel like I'm being repetitive. Good or bad.
It gets old. I'm not about to make a million posts about the same thing especially if my feelings haven't changed about said thing. Maybe if I have a change of heart or I've found some perspective in regards to it then I'll delve back into it though.
With that, sans the little burps and hiccups that Life brings, allow me to surmise the last month or so in this post as I could have just literally made the same post for almost 30 straight days.
Life is peaceful for me despite it's ups and downs. Great things have happened. Not so great things have happened. Each day, I kept on living.
I can sleep at night knowing my phone isn't full of bullshit when I wake up in the morning, the kids are going to be the kids and the Sun will shine again after a few rainy days.
I can go where I want with having to justify it to anyone, plan vacations around just me, take a ride if I want to or just stay in the house without 'probable cause' or being 'up to something'.
A more succinct sentence would be that I'm free. Which sounds an awful lot like I was incarcerated but I wasn't. At least not physically, although the anxiety manifested itself in physical pain literally. This is where today's post is going to take 'the turn', as it usually does in all the posts that I publish. This is what you came to read I assume so here we go.
The bad part?
I put myself in that jail. I didn't have to go. I could have literally walked out of it at any time. I chose to stay because I thought working it out was what you do as that's all I knew. It wsn't even about love, which WAS PRESENT, because I know at my big age, that's NEVER ENOUGH. As bad as we'd like it to be it just isn't. Hell, having someone understand your situation isn't enough for some so we know LOVE ISN'T ENOUGH. Or we should anyway.
I know better now though. Which I'm not sure is such a great thing...
You see me 'knowing that now' is a gift and a curse. I know so I can look out for it right? Right. It can't be my default though. It will get in my way EVERY TIME someone new comes along. I'll find a way to fuck it up if I do it that way.
It also SIMPLY CANNOT BECOME MY PERSONALITY.
Why not? I mean, we all deserve and we SHOULDN'T TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYONE RIGHT?
RIGHT?
Correct. We shouldn't take any shit from anyone.
What we ALSO shouldn't be doing is taking our PAST and PROJECTING IT ON PEOPLE due to a few similarities in nature of a situation. In other words, we need to make sure that what we think is 'shit' isn't just a case of living differently, a bad fit, etc, etc. Probably shouldn't be running around demonizing people because they don't fit our requirements. Even if that happens because their situations change. We probably also should be ANTICIPATING SUCH CHANGES as some are just common sense but that's a whole other post.
That's the person I AM NOT GOING TO BECOME. The self sabotage person.
Over the YEARS, I've been watching all the little (Tik Tok more recently..) videos, the YouTube videos from both the man hating women, the women hating men, dating gurus, the Fems, The Mannist, Manosphere, Era girls and whoever else you can think of AND LET ME TELL YOU..*
The WAR that is being waged is pathetic. Simply pathetic. On BOTH SIDES. I'm talking about hurt people running around telling other hurt people all KINDS OF BUM BEHAVIOR TACTICS TO USE because apparently both genders ain't shit. All this talk of 'The Wall' or 'bare mininum' is so extreme and screams that people need to get over their past traumas AND probably that they need to touch some grass. We have YOUNG dudes ponificating on women twice their age and their 'plight in Life' as if that is even their dating pool. We've got young girls talking about older dudes in the same light. 6,6,6 talk. Single Mom slander. Etc... Lastly, we've got those in the middle of those two demos trying to pigionhole EVERYONE into a box, shaming them along the way. What a clusterfuck.
I wouldn't believe these fools if they told me the Sun was hot. I'd literally have to go see for myself. That's how dishonest this crap is.
Full stop man. FULL FUCKING STOP. There is no way that BOTH genders to a PERSON are horrible people. No fucking way. I don't care WHO YOU'VE ENCOUNTERED. How much your heart was broken or what kind of 'covert narc' or whatever it is you claim EVERY EX PERSON YOU'VE EVER BEEN WITH HAS BEEN you have encountered. This madness is a pity party of EPIC proportions.
Forget accountability, let's just not start off negative as hell and then claim we want to find a great person. Who wants some BITTER PERSON from either gender? I know if I were a woman, I wouldn't want some women hating dude who thinks I'm the exception. As a man, I SURELY don't want some man hating woman because the minute I do something she doesn't like, she's going to hate me too, adding me to the list of men that didn't live up to her impossible Fantasy's standards seeing as though she ALREADY HATED MEN...
Been there and done that.
So no, I will not become THAT PERSON. The person who looks for the evil in everyone while double talking about 'we are all human'. Humans ARE FLAWED so there is going to be some bad. Deal with it. The Fantasy that you are dreaming about that is the perfect one is never going to happen and if you let that Fantasy be your guide, nobody will ever live up to it. Ever.
No, I'm not going to take anybody's shit but let's first see if it's 'shit' to begin with. It may be just a different way of doing things and if that's not for me, that's fine too. I don't have to declare that person the shittiest person ever because I'm atttacted to them, want them to be mine but the way they do things, live or their situation just doesn't mesh with me. We HAVE TO CUT THAT OUT. Well, we don't have to do shit actually but I know I AM NOT GOING TO BE DOING THAT.
I won't be forcing square pegs into round holes though either in hope that the corners 'smooth themselves' out. Now if that's 'not taking anybody's shit', I'm down for that all day. I GET THAT. Again, though, we don't need to be out here calling people bad people because they don't fit into our LIVES. That's just shitty behavior.
Look, I have stories for DAYS about all the things I'm seeing on all of these social media outlets and I UNDERSTAND the pain that these situations have caused IF ALL THE STORIES ARE TRUE. I really do. I understand to see if you aren't 'crazy' by seeing if others can relate or have similiar stories. Cool. Do that too. Maybe give a little bit advice about what helped you or even get some. This obsessession shit y'all are out here doing though?
Too much. Way too much. No way you are HEALED if you are this obsessed with talking about your ex (or exes..). You can't be. You are too engrossed in it currently to be over it. You haven't let it go. At all.
What are we REALLY DOING THOUGH making this our PERSONALITY trait? How HEALTHY IS THAT SHIT?
It's not. I refuse. Will I address it as it bubbles up, IF IT EVEN BUBBLES UP? Sure will. Every time. That's fine. I have no issues with folks doing that. Hell, I JUST DID IT HERE. Here's what I think I don't want to do....
Make my whole personality off of the big break up of my Life? Fuck that shit.
What about the Death of your Wife or your parents? Read again. Talking about your experience is fine. I said that up top. I do that. HERE. You know what I'm not doing? I'm not out here calling myself 'Widower111812', SheLiedAboutBeingDivorcedtwice1002015 or "Orphan60220112022' or some shit in my usernames and profiles either. Y'all gotta cut the victimhood shit out. Your whole personality is victimhood. This is not okay. You ARE NOT OKAY.
Again, I could do ALL THE THINGS I SEE ON SOCIAL MEDIA in regards to dating. The little series about folk's dating profiles from the Bumble's, Tinders, POF and other places. It looks relatively EASY TO fall victim into doing that too as EVERYONE IS DOING IT so it seems.
Posting up text messages with blurred out numbers outlining 'ain't shit people' and their 'disorders' Put up their medical history...criminal history... This is PATHETIC behavior, making money off of making videos of people just trying to live their lives...
This is why I decided NOT to type or post in anger many many many MANY TIMES on here or have edited it down to keep things to a minimum. Long after I am NOT upset, I'm going to hold myself to these standards that I 'm typing out now and I don't want to look like these people I am seeing out here. Just pathetic.
Too much drama for me man. Y'all got it. No, nobody's made a video about me. :) I don't have to experience something to know it is a shitty thing to do. :) You know what I have seen? My ex featured on one and that's just...CRAZY and wrong. Maybe not wrong though because that ex wants to grow their channel. They may love it so I can't call it.
Understand that I'm talking about MEN AND WOMEN HERE. There are PLENTY OF MEN who run these types of channels. We all know there are women who use social media to do this so I really feel like I don't have to say that is the case. Every other video in my FYP type page on ANY SOCIAL MEDIA is littered with this mess. I've PURPOSELY put in other things to try to change the alg and it still filters it's way back in.
At this rate, very few people will ever truly be healed and will continue to bleed all over everything and everyone they encounter. Which is fine, I'll sit it out. I won't become one of these soldiers, fighting a war that we'll never win, get a medal for or get a reward. Too much Life to live. Sorry.
Yes, I know that this means. I'm okay with that. I know I gave it a true shot. I've lived a little. Just wasn't meant to be I guess and having a steady supply of THAT isn't worth the headache. On to the next chapter of Life! Life could be a whole lot worse.
Peaceful times. Sunny days and living Life.
*All the years I watched this stuff, I NEVER let it talk me outta my relationship. I can't say the same for my partners. I know when, where and who they got their talking points from. Like clockwork.
