On Feeling Seen:

I've felt seen lately again.. 

Not in a physically attractive sense either. Although that definitely happens. Some folks see me just fine in that light but I also know that there's more to Life than that. It is nice though and it's not like it ever stopped. I just handled myself like I was in something because, well, I was. It's cool to see it though. That's not what really ever moved me. Unbeknownst to some people. I really need to be 'seen'. As a person. 

Not yammerimg on about the comments on my social media, although I know some of those people offline so I guess you could split that hair if you are a truly bitter person. I BEEN HAD THOSE comments though. They are nice. They should feel good for EVERYONE. Never gotten mad at anyone I've been with for getting them. I've never felt the need to tell that someone about them to try to gloat about it,  make them pay me more attention or to try to add extra sting during a breakup though. Then again, I don't lack whatever is missing in those type of people's lives in that way so I guess I'll never get it. They are comments. People like shit and you can enjoy them. It's not that deep. 

Some folks have recently encountered me in person and LITERALLY have seen me after MONTHS of me not having to see them at all. Not talkimg about that either..

No, I 'm talking in real Life EVERY DAY LIFE. People I really interact with on some basis. Or.. or... stranger's who do see the 'light in my eyes' after they meet me and aren't strangers anymore. Those that hear the things Life tends to throw at us all in some form and say "I still see that light in your eyes.. I still see you are focused on moving forward. That's good that you haven't let things turn you bitter.. "

I'm talking about THAT KIND OF SEEN. Where someone sees your spirit. Feels you energy. Appreciates it. Doesn't become envious of it. Doesn't try their best to break you down because of their own stuff. 

It's a great feeling to be seen in that way. Sure, folks acknowledge a few things here and there and that's fine. Usually things that they want to benefit from so they are stroking my ego so to speak. I've always seen through that but admit I've allowed some people to take advantage. No more though. No more free rides. 

I'm talking about just being truly seen here. With no benefit for the other people doing the seeing. To be fully seen AND appreciated though? That makes me WANT TO DO THINGS FOR THOSE PEOPLE. On a continued basis. Not a short term one. 

Priceless. 

Is this newfound energy? Nope. It's been there. How do I know? I've had someone tried to stamp out my fire, actively while I was with them and PERMANENTLY once I wasn't. 

That's how I know it's always been there. Never quite encountered such a person that close up. I know now though. I know now. 

Never dim your light for people. Either they can stand in the brightness with you or they can get the fuck on. 

I knew that. I just forget it for a second. I'm back now though BABY!! 

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This is the stuff they need to show on NBA TV. D. Wade and a childhood friend..balling..

He also imitates Steve Nash and a couple of other cats...

I know some of you are wishing the boy ill...Yeah and I hope your unemployment checks stop, your company goes into firing spree or the IRS comes and Young Buck's your possessions. Not really but shame on you for wishing ill on the next man over sports..lol. Ole sucker ass ni##as...

Anyhow, this is pretty much what it is like when you have someone you know who plays a sport that you both played when you were little at a higher level. It is fun. You DO KNOW HIM so you can do some things others can't. (Lets remember that D. Wade is A. Playing around. B. Playing is SANDALS!) Enjoy the video..

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The more you learn not to live your life seeking the approval of others that don't matter or care about you, the easier life gets....

I put that as my Facebook status this morning (as some of you who are friends with me there know) but I thought I would elaborate on it a little more. I am probably gonna piss at least one of you off. I don't care. I'mma let you know that right now. There is a 99% chance that neither one of us are doing ANYTHING for each other so if you stop fooling with me behind this little blog post, you should already know what you can do. Yes, it is like that. For real.

Let me first address the cynics, as you guys need to be cut off at the pass. Of course in certain situations, 'approval' is a MUST. On the job. While growing up in some one's household. In certain relationships. I am NOT TALKING ABOUT THOSE THINGS. You know I am not talking about those things too but since the 'truth' always gets questioned, let me just head you off at the pass.

You know DAMM WELL what I am talking about. I am talking about this 'need' that we have to be accepted and the UNHEALTHY habits it causes us to pick up as we go along. Obviously, NO ONE wants to be disliked. I get that. You can't be out there on some 'nut shit' but the lengths I see people go through to be 'accepted' are just plain fucking silly. Cats acting tough for NO REASON. Running to be like those that who like to fight, like to 'slang', or some other criminal activity JUST TO BE DOWN. Idiotic. Acting poorer than they really are so that they can be accepted. Acting richer than they really are, SO THEY CAN BE ACCEPTED. What the hell? Nigga we are 30 SOME (AND OLDER) YEARS OLD! Why are you getting into pissing contests with people who don't give a shit about you??? I am not even talking about just 'strangers' either. I am talking about those people you are 'running with'. Yes, THEM. They don't give a shit about you. You see how they treat your other 'friends' when they aren't around don't you? Well don't you? Run their name in the ground. Tell their business. Mock them. Entice them to do more fucked up shit so that they can MAKE FUN OF THEM SOME MORE. All the while not improving themselves. You never noticed that?

Here you are TRYING TO IMPRESS THEM THOUGH. Sacrificing relationships with the people that actually do give a shit about you for some people that don't have your best interest at heart and never did. Hell, selling YOURSELF short all in the name of acceptance. Soon as you don't have 'XYZ' or you don't 'stroke their ego' THOSE FOLKS DISAPPEAR. I don't have to name names or give examples. I KNOW you have seen it happen. Some of you have had it happen TO YOU. It was just that nobody had the nuts to tell you. I had someone who had the nuts to tell me though. Actually a couple of people. They helped me stop struggling with letting people go, not caring what people thought about 'xyz' decision I made, how I choose to live my live and more importantly who I chose to associate with as I have lived my life. It was hard though due to the overall popular belief that one is measured by how they are 'accepted' by others. That whole thought process is a sham though as we can see. Just look at what happens to people in the public eye the minute someone finds out you are 'human'. Cats drop 'em like a hot potato even though they are just as 'human'. So obviously, being 'accepted' isn't all it is cracked up to be. I am happy just being me thank you. Accept me if you want, diss me if you don't and don't worry if you do the latter 'cause I am not even concerned with what it is you do over there.

I am sure some of you will will say 'Well, it seems like you have pretty much always been like that." Maybe. There were some areas that I needed to improve on and let me tell ya. Shit got SO MUCH EASIER after I made these improvements. I promise it did. I just realized one day who cared and who didn't. I don't miss nary one of those people that didn't. Sure, I SEE 'EM. We speak. Cordial. But I don't miss them. At all. Don't miss the drama that always ensued. Don't miss the bullshit and I damm sure don't miss having to worry about 'looking silly in front of them' over shit that they were failing miserably at too! That last one was big. Instead of helping each other, they would clown each other and try to bring each other down. I didn't want to be a party to that anymore. We weren't doing each other any good by hanging around each other. I didn't particularly care about them (although I like to think my surface 'caring' is more than some people's actual caring but I digress.) and I KNOW THEY DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME. So why fake it? Fuck that.

Girls, ya'll have 'em too. Don't think this is a 'guy' thing. It isn't. Most of yours are disguised as 'Lets go out and drink/get dudes/be diva partners'.....Another post..another time perhaps. lol I know I gave some things up top that were 'male' related so I just wanted to be clear here.

I am telling YOU..Let that shit go fam. Every last one of those that are passing judgment on you, only like you for the whip you pushing, the gals around you, or that 'star' quality you bring are only there for themselves and they all have shit with them. Hence the reason why they try to shine the light ON YOU and your fortunes AND MISGIVINGS and OFF OF THEMSELVES. Never thought about it like that huh? Now is the time.....

I was moved to write this on this morning so don't shoot the messenger. I just bought the message to you. It was meant for you to see so if I were you, I wouldn't just sit on the information. I would do something about it. No, this isn't the movies so I don't suggest that you go off and start telling people off or anything. Just do what you have to do. Those that are doing these things I spoke about will know why you are doing what you are doing. They won't say much. They can't. They will know the jig is up. You will feel better for it. Trust me. All they are going to do is what they HAVE BEEN DOING. Talk about you to others that don't care about you and not keep your best interest at heart. . As my Mother says, "Well, people talked about Jesus too....so you know that they will talk about you. Pay 'em no mind.."

Again, if it bothers you that I speak 'broadly' about how I feel, you know what you can do...I don't have to feed into the 'ways of the World' and say shit your way. I say it mine. You got the fucking point didn't you? Okay then...

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