The Year 2025....

For most parents, especially those of us on our LAST kid, the graduating year of that kid is a pivotal moment. 

We are on a COUNTDOWN like no other. Let me be the first to say it. 

The difference for some of us is this....

We know parenting isn't OVER on that magical graduation day. 

Yes, there steps that are going to be made. School. Work. SOMETHING. 

Yes, there will be more free time for the parent as they transition hopefully from DOING THEIR JOB TO THE FULLEST to doing more for themselves. You've heard the sayings so I don't have to list them.. You've probably said them, live by them, etc... 

All of that exists to varying degrees for almost every parent at this stage but we ALL KNOW that it isn't over. 

They still usually need us in some capacity. 

Does that mean that we need to be on the immediate standby that we were on during their K-12th grade years?

NO. In fact, one should go live a little. Duh! It also doesn't mean that there won't be times when your young adult needs you. Hopefully, you've equipped them with all the tools they need to survive and if you are the 'sink or swim' type of parent, your conscious can be clear as you watch them doggy paddle through Life. This is where things start to split. 

The 'enabling' parent. Any kind of help is enabling in this case. Don't believe me. Ask anyone who didn't get any help. That's their stance. lol So we are just going to go with it. I'm being sarcastic here. Also, some folks don't consider free attendance to college, getting a job via their parents, etc help either so there's that..

Versus

The parent that doesn't 'enables' their children by letting them fail on their own miserably at first, only to come back and help with all kinds of ' I told you so.." The one that could have helped, let the kid refuse help, and then ends up having to help them when they are older when both parties have built of resentment. The 'child' needs help but they don't want to take it from the parent, who is now on their horse about the failures of the past. Failures that the parent probably pushed on the kid by putting pressure on them to do certain things and offering either help with heavy dose of control or no help at all. 

Most of us are TRUTHFULLY trying to fall in the middle. Letting them learn along the way but not letting them do damage or using our own experiences as a punishment towards them because 'we had to go through it' as the sole reason. It's bullshit. You are supposed to be a BETTER PARENT than your parents. Even if you were parents were GREAT. That's the bar. 

2025 is the last time I get to put that into practice. This kid is a totally different kid than my others. You also get better at parenting as you go or well YOU SHOULD. There are couple of things I've already done to hopefully make 2025 smooth. There's another factor with the real possibility of her playing collegiately in her sport so that changes the dynamic as I will want to see that. 

My situation is different because since I am a male, we usually aren't 'expected' to show up until graduation and then MAYBE if the kid does something in college. I said 'expected' like that because truth be told, there are some men who aren't involved at all. Until the day the kid walks the stage... Prior to that time, they spend their time ducking their responsibilities, putting it on the Mother and all of that stuff. 

I'm not that dude. Never been that dude. Being widowed didn't make me not that dude. That was NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. 

This is a situation that is not the product of that. I was who I was when I got here..- Jay-Z paraphrased. 

A real Father. Put in time and not just money Father. As I SHOULD BE so hold your applause. It's okay. Really. I have enough people who let me know I'm doing a FINE job. That doesn't change the facts. 

The facts are also that because I am this way AND I'm by myself, my shit gets put under the microscope extra hard. I'm also expected to abandon my kids if I want someone in my Life. Maybe even for her kids to some extent...

Or so I thought.. 

Finding out there are plenty of good women, attractive in both body and spirit to me, that DON'T FEEL THIS WAY. At all. 

This is makes the journey worth it more a bit. Oh, I was going to complete it ANYWAY because that's my job/mission/pleasure to do. I thought it was possible the entire time but Life is gonna Life and it dealt a blow to the plans. 

The fire is still there though. So are the options. So are the options.... 

Good luck to all of you parents, not only in 2025 but before and after.*

Remember, you are enough and it is worth it. All of it. 

Those that don't understand just don't need to be around and please don't give that understanding to someone else who won't truly give it to you back. It should be reciprocal. 

Keep going. Your kids will appreciate it hopefully but more importantly, you'll know that you did your best. 

*That graduating year of 2025 will be a CIVIL DAY on my end. I'm there for my kid. That's it. Hope all will be there for their kid only too.