Ustream, TinyChat, Oovoo, etc....Along with the wack ass characters in them...

First of all, hats off to the folks that are semi famous, known or even all the way famous. Even if I don't watch you. It can't be easy. The following characters are why. Most of this will come from being in a popular female's Ustream but I am pretty sure there are universal characters that can be applied to both genders.

These are the generally annoying characters that a person's chat room 'regulars' have to deal with all the time. Usually because the 'regulars' happen to have some sort of relationship with the host (Read: She speaks to them and they get responses to their chat.) , these following people go RIGHT INTO THEIR LITTLE 'LOOK AT ME' CHARACTERS...It wouldn't matter much except for the fact that the host usually would like to have a 'good' chat and THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE IT THAT WAY. They ask the right questions about their kids, their parents or lives that the host has decided to share. Which for some reason draws the 'ire' of the following people..


The spammer- Pretty self explanatory. Wants you to see his product. NOW.

Mr./Mrs. CAPTAIN OBVIOUS- No question is a dumb you say? Well, it is WHEN WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A KNOWN PERSON! Especially one whose 'stream' you probably came to 'cause you ALREADY FOLLOW HER SOMEWHERE ELSE. Facebook. Twitter. Even if you happen to 'stumble' upon their stream, GOOGLE WORKS. Asking the following questions OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN gets you this title btw...

"How old are you?"
"Are you single?"
"Where do you live?"


Now, while these are GREAT QUESTIONS for a person you are meeting FACE TO FACE that you actually have a CHANCE OF CONNECTING WITH, asking them in this medium is 'dry'. Sorry. It just is. Usually, the person running the stream WILL ANSWER THESE SIMPLE ASS QUESTIONS over time. IN THE STREAM. Paying attention is free you know. Some of you didn't learn that though.

The SUPER FAN- This person is actually knowledgeable. They are also sometimes a 'regular' too. They know the person who started the room well! Too well. Now, I am not talking about the person(s) who answers those questions that WE ALL GET TIRED OF HAVING ANSWERED. (See Mr/Mrs. Captain Obvious above as this person USUALLY handles their mundane questions...Thankfully.)No. We are talking about the person who answers all the TRULY INTERESTING QUESTIONS for the host without being told to do so. Almost like the 'Scout Leader'. Yes, every situation needs a leader. But we aren't on a fucking excursion here. We are in a chat. Let the 'host' answer these questions or at least DIRECT the room to get on their horse IF THEY DON'T FEEL LIKE ANSWERING QUESTIONS. You come off looking like a jerk.

The Jokester - This guy (Lets face it, it is usually a guy.) wants the host's attention. Like we all do. Duh. So that is no crime. His way of getting it is though. His style is to 'go at the room' and start dissing other chat members under the guise of 'jokes'/trying to run the 'lames' out (Read: The people she is ACTUALLY CHATTING TO), or in some desperate attempt to get revenge on the host for a past blocking. Either way, he usually starts out FUNNY. Lame but funny nonetheless. First joke is the 'easy' target. (Pick one of the annoying characters I put up). It may come via some 'made up' facts (canned Internet jokes that work all the time.) about that chat member or it may get extreme by use of distorting that person's image via lil computer tricks. Or putting up pictures of famous people (not flattering shots) the poster looks like. It is all good 'till he starts in on others. Next thing you know, he is doing it to the whole room. The assholes of the room are usually on his side 'cause well....they are assholes. They may exchange with him and then JOIN IN WITH HIM. The people who don't get down like that are not but just hoping he doesn't say anything. The host FINALLY sees their numbers dwindling but not before this fool has ran the only people in the chat even holding a REAL CONVERSATION with her (him). Thus ruining the chat.

Mr/Mrs(insert area code/city)/(insert notorious street in urbanized area/section/hood/set whathaveyou)Iwillkillyouyourmomyourkidyourboyi'moutshootingsomeonerightnowwhilewatchingthisstreamandgettingbitchesatthesametimetoo person- AKA. Thugnifficent



The title is self explanatory. Unless you are that person. In which case you probably don't get it. Or not care. But yeah, YOU ARE RUINING SHIT. Sorry. Threatening anyone who dare respond to the object of your desire like we are back in the fucking jungle somewhere and you are a lion or some shit. Fuck outta here with that. You aren't gonna have the broad. We (well some of us anyway) know we aren't gonna have her. Enjoy her being on the screen nigga. It gets worse too. If she 'ignores him' then he TURNS ON HER. Calling her all types of ugly bitches, whores, and bringing up whatever type infamy that CALLED HIS ATTENTION TO HER to begin with up. Which leads me to the.....

...Mr/Mrs. Simp-

I am actually not a fan of the usage of the word because, as usual, niggas take a paint brush and say ANYTHING THAT IS A NICE GESTURE IS SIMPING. That is not true of course but since mofos don't want to stick to the script, that is what it means to most people. I am not talking about saying things like the FOLLOWING EITHER:

You look nice this evening.
You looked great in (insert the mag, event, video, etc)
Nice crib
Nice car.


You get the point. No. I am talking about the type of shit that you can't POSSIBLY DEDUCT BY WATCHING HER ON ONE OF THESE MEDIUMS or saying some fantasy land bullshit you know you aren't going to do.

You are wifey material...(Don't get me started on the backhand compliment known as 'wifey')

I can't believe you are single...You are so pretty....

You need a nigga like me....

If you were mine, you wouldn't have to be cooking,cleaning,whatever...

I'mma come down and rescue from all that ails you....type of shit..

(Insert last famous boyfriend's name) is a FOOL FOR LEAVING YOU. I would never leave you because of the way you are (Insert the activity the host is performing on the screen at the present moment.) You are PERFECT.

Look man, either you have NO EXPERIENCE WITH WOMAN, truly are delusional or just STRAIGHT NUTS for saying this type of shit to a woman in a chatroom. You look and sound like a sucker. We don't know WHAT ELSE THAT GAL DOES in her spare time when she is not CLEARLY ON HER BEST BEHAVIOR on these chats. Or at least the behavior she want us to see. We don't know what kinda girlfriend/wife/whatever she is based off of some video that she is controlling. Are you that stupid? Put that fucking cape away nigga.


Don't get mad at me for calling you on it either. I am helping your sorry ass out. You are out here looking you haven't had pussy since pussy had you with all the thirst. For all the girls you claim you get, one can't tell when you are out making like Joe all up in the chatroom. Like being pretty, having a phat ass, or being able to do a split equals INSTANT GIRLFRIEND (Again with that 'wifey' shit. You niggas aren't marrying nobody. Stop that shit..) material. You cats need to stop it. It is hella funny to see the host's face when ya'll are trying to gas her up. You are blind to it though. Too busy looking for her to type that response or say 'You guys are so sweet..'. Wake up man. She knows she is not perfect. That is why her response is always the same.

I am single because I choose to be.

Translation: I know I got fucked over BUT I know I need to grow as a person too. As I am not perfect..

Again, telling her that she looks nice, complimenting her on whatever outfit she wants to try on during the chat AND ANSWERING HER 'fishing' questions with compliments is COOL. That unprovoked, 'SuperNigga is here to save you' shit though? No. Save that shit for the romance novels.



Listen, I am sure that most of us who dare even chat in these situations has exhibited a couple of these attributes. I can't say it is ALL BAD. But if this is your M.O., there is a problem. Fix that shit. If you run one of these 'chats', block these mofos. They are RUINING YOUR CHATS. They are usually the reason why you only have 30 something people in them. I am sure more people would like to chat with you but the hassle of having to put up with folks who harass other people in your chats isn't worth it. lol Not even for you Princess.

This is not to discourage any of you who haven't watched these before. (Yeah, right. I know some of you. This might ENCOURAGE YOU TO GO SEE THE FUCKERY.) Nor am I saying that everyone in the chat is this childish. They are not. Some chats go along smooth as hell. Even the host will say it. Which lets you know I am not exaggerating about this issue..

We all have a little corny is us. Like it or not. (Yes, EVEN YOU MR. HARDCORE/KILLER/THUG DUDE. Even you..) What I am saying is that the folks that do THESE THINGS as their regular routine are annoying. That's it.

Just like I am sure that to some, people like me who 'point out things like this' are equally annoying. I am okay with that.