This is all me btw. @ this 'poem'. I use the term loosely 'cause I personally wouldn't call it that but I know some who would so...
What Do I Do Now?/Co-Piloting with a Jewel
I mean there are some things I am GOING TO DO so you can take the title rhetorically in some sense.
I'm going breath. I'm going to take care of my kids. About those types of things I'm not on the fence.
At first, I was a little unsure of what to do with these 'feelings' I have though. This deadly mixture of love, sadness and betrayal.
I mean I'm super sad one minute and full of fond memories the next. Pissed off a little too. Yeah, I'm running the same gamut most of you are..only I'm not trying to 'make sense' of it. That's to no avail...
She was there when I was in the "SHO" and she 'Escorted' me along.* We were together in the Acura Integera.. the Galant, the Maxima, the Pacifica and the Dodge Intrepid.
Where some of you saw simply smiles and us driving past fast, I was behind the tinted glasses. I was running co-Pilot. Giving turn by turn directions. I was there when things got REALLY COLD and when things got really tepid..
I was behind those same WINDOWS of our World for the GOOD THINGS. Sometimes in the passenger seat.. Sometimes behind the wheel..
Always by her side and her by mine. Hands steady.... keeping it the road...For the MOST PART we kept things close to the vest. Kept most of our lives off the Internet, Facebook and Twitter. Our 'secrets', trials and such we did not reveal...
I know a lot of you have your 'Why' hats on AND are reaching with INCREDIBLE SPEED, making up things. Even stooping to innuendo and grasping at the air.
You can't put your finger on why what has happened. You NEED SOMEONE OR SOMETHING TO BLAME. You need that ...Why? Who? What? Where?
You want to understand and I'd love nothing better than for you to, but for a lot of you, you've just never been to that space..
I mean I could explain IN DETAIL but you wouldn't understand.... I can see when I try to explain.. the look of 'That can't be it" etched all in your face..
I'll try to help you again though. Just some lil tidbits here and there. I mean who wants to be known as the SMART AND PUT TOGETHER person who can't control her demons, her thoughts... her fears..
Who wants the World to know that the probably the smartest, most clutch person they know, spends her nights in a pool of her own tears.
Tears didn't always FALL in the form of liquid and salt FROM HER EYES...her asking for help didn't ALWAYS come in the form of solemn cries..
You kinda had to be there to understand that though. You also kinda had to know she wasn't accepting too much in the way of any assistance...
In her mind, body and soul she was PUT ON THIS EARTH TO PROVIDE THAT FOR OTHERS. Any attempt to get that for herself or deviate from that? That was met with STRONG resistance..
Good days and bad days.. Fun times... and down times.. She had 'em all. When she was down she was down.. but WHEN SHE WAS UP? Oh she had a ball...
Don't second guess whether she was 'truly happy' during WHATEVER TIME YOU AND HER SHARED..
Don't ever think for one minute... THAT IF SHE gave you her love, CHECKED UP ON YOU, GAVE ADVICE, LENT MONEY OR JUST HER EAR... that she didn't care.
She had a FANTASTIC way of letting you know she had you in her thoughts and wouldn't let any negative thinking stop her if she wanted to assist.
She had a beauty about her. A wit about her. A charm that was oh so hard to resist.
She could turn the cheek like no other and walk past negativity with a breeze. Staying on task.
Yeah remember her for all of her GOOD please.. THAT'S WHAT I'm gonna do. You wanna help me? Then this is all I ask....
*Cars people. Mind out of the gutter...smh
There's no picture today. Either you know who I am talking about or you don't. It is that simple. I'd like to share another poem that I DIDN'T WRITE THIS TIME... As far as I'm concerned this is the only time the phrase 'Right to Know' should be used in regards to her for me WHEN it pertains to her and I.
The Right To Know!
What I love about you so.
I love how you make me,
Feel the way I feel.
The way you make me safe,
Keep me warm.
The warmth of your skin,
I wish I could feel against me.
The way your lips feel,
How I wish I could taste.
The way your breath feels,
Upon my face.
The way your fingers,
Will run up my arms.
You have the right to know,
How much I miss you so.
I miss it when we can’t talk,
On the phone,
Or if you don’t talk on computer.
I miss your sweet calming voice,
As you get me to relax.
I miss how you make me feel loved,
When we can’t talk at all.
You have the right to know,
To know how I feel,
Don’t you think?
The way I feel,