Again, since someone wants to LIE about the relationship we were in, here goes something else I wrote IN REAL TIME. Yes, it's about HER. Miss "Are We Dating The Same Guy".. That chick. I have DAILY POSTS that I made when I was suffering with that chick. Remember, I said I write here every day but I don't post here every day? Yeah, this is a huge part of it. @ Sitting In The Drafts. Why do I write? To let it out in real time so that I don't 'misremember' how I was feeling or what happened at the time. It's theraputic. It also documents things because I get the funny feeling that this is going to end in a bad way. It's on record. You won't have to speculate how I was feeling or what I was thinking. It's right there. You probably are going to speculate ANYWAY but you don't have to. It's right here. In plain sight. 6/26/23
Disclaimer before the in-story disclaimer: If you are 20ish, childless, ALREADY MARRIED or a few other things, reading this shit is probably gonna drive you crazy. This is written for a pretty specific set of people. You'll figure that out as you read it.. If you are (child bearing/child having age)divorced, a single parent, dating a single parent, two single parents dating each other or POSSIBLY MARRIED with kids and getting through Life, this one MIGHT resonate. Might I say. NO GUARANTEES. This isn't for you vets who know the ropes. I'm preaching to the choir when it comes to you. You KNOW THE DRILL.
The eternal search for recapturing the 'honeymoon stage' of a relationship has been the downfall of many a great potential partnership. That euphoria is GREAT. The lust is magical and you can't wait to see each other every day. It's fucking GREAT. Great I say. I have no problem ADMITTING THAT IT IS GREAT. Shit, I LOVE IT. As we get to know each other better, Life happens and our lives EVOLVE, the euphoria wanes. We also can't keep NEGLECTING OUR FUCKING RESPONSIBILITIES chasing this feeling so normalcy rules again as we settle into normal activities. It happens. Now, I'm no scrooge so I'm not going to say that 'wanting to be happy' is some CRAZY THOUGHT. I'm just asking for perspective here. That's all. It's going to end. It SHOULD END.
I know that many people reading this may ultimately be in different stages in Life so please factor that in. I hope you ALL GET TO STICK TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP STANDARDS, DREAMS AND WANTS. Truly. That Life sees fit to not throw curves in your plans like divorce, death, and such. That said.... here we go.
It seems it is IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP UP THE INTENSITY of those first moments (days, weeks, months, etc) of getting to ACTUALLY KNOW THE PERSON YOU HAVE THIS SUPER FOND INTEREST IN GETTING TO KNOW. You can't 'unknow' things about people & as people let you in, you get to know a lot about them. You can't replicate that part of things. That's just the facts. I know we are dealing with 'emotions' here but the facts matter. It's an impossible task. Now, it may take you a LONG TIME to get to know your partner AND they may even change/evolve a bit so that might EXTEND your honeymoon period longer than it would be for others. Remember this when you 'compare your relationship to Jenny and Bobby's'. (Not that you should be comparing.. that's another post all together.) Jenny and Bobby aren't your competitors in the Indy Relationship 500. There is no such race so stop putting that kind of pressure on your relationship. Know and understand that this phase of the relationship will end.
The good news? This phase ending means you KNOW YOUR PARTNER. You can now stop 'guessing' about what they like and use it to have a more fulfilling or UNDERSTANDING relationship. The dopamine hit of finding out new things will be replaced with the calm and peace of mind of knowing who your partner is and who they become since you know most things about them. This should be celebrated. Not dismissed as boring. Stability is a key component to any good relationship. Romantic or otherwise. You may have to learn to that this can fulfill you. Or maybe it cannot and you will forever be searching for that 'high' you get when starting off with someone new.
Having fun ALL THE TIME is wonderful. You are scheduling times to meet up, probably ducking responsibilities or at the very least STRETCHING THINGS REALLY THIN and burning yourself out trying to get that dopamine high hit of 'new new' with your newfound potential love/lusted after person. This period is GREAT TOO. Great conversation (See above.), meeting their friends, possibly getting out of your comfort zone by going to new places, new experiences in OLD PLACES, great 'relations'. The list of 'fun' goes on and on...
It's just that though. A period. It cannot BE SUSTAINED AT THIS HIGH OF A RATE. Someone is gonna lose their job, fall behind on their responsibilities and generally slack off in some area. Someone is going to need to go back to their 'regular' life and find a way to fit YOU IN. You are probably going to have to do the same thing. A balance is definitely needed. In addition, LIFE HAPPENS and it can EASILY CHANGE whatever circumstances that existed that permitted such lovely things to happen AT THE RATE THEY WERE HAPPENING. A shift change. A growing kid. A health ailment. You name it, it can happen and you HAVE TO BE UNDERSTANDING OF THAT. Feelings aside.
Well what do I do with THAT Mr. Blogger? You mean to tell me that we can't have fun anymore? Nobody is that busy to never have fun. I DESERVE TO HAVE FUN AND ALL TIMES DAMMIT.
Maybe you aren't but the average person who is dealing with any of the factors that I spoke of in any capacity surely does. Congratulations on your Life and I truly wish you the best if these aren't your issues now. Before you go though I just want to let you know that at some point, they weren't other people's issues as well. They had all the time. All the resources. All the money. None of the obstacles. Until they didn't. Ya dig? Or Person A. had the obstacles but it fit for THEM, they met Person B. they liked and it didn't work for that Person B. long term. Better still it may have been Person A's LIFE THAT CHANGED and now Person B that was compatible for their 'previous lifestyle' just doesn't suite it for this type of action. Life is CRAZY like that. One person could be entering a stage and the other just beginning. Lots of compromises have to be made and it isn't for everyone. Fun can be had but it may not come in that steady stream like it did in the beginning or that 'certain time period from X to XYZ period of time'. You can't CHASE that in a relationship. It puts a strain on it. It's fabricated. Fake. A house of cards. It either happens or doesn't. No, I don't mean you can't plan stuff in your free time you do find so stop being literal. I'm just saying that enjoy the ride before you end it too soon trying chase things. It may stop for a LONG WHILE but it has a chance to start again if you weather the storm. Or, you can keep trying to force it and end your relationship with words like 'They weren't fulfilling my needs..." when you are in fact being UNREALISTIC FOR THE SITUATION YOU TWO ARE IN.
"But they PROMISED ME THINGS. Introduced to a 'vibe that they couldn't maintain'". Stop it with these Fairytale social media quotes. In real LIFE, THE VIBE FUCKING CHANGES ALL THE TIME DUE TO LIFE HAPPENING. They VERY WELL may have intended on 'keeping the energy the same' but may not have factored in the above things. HELL, YOU MAY NOT HAVE FACTORED IN THOSE THINGS AND NOW THEY COULDN'T GVE YOU WANT YOU WANT IF THEY WERE ABLE TO OR NOT. They also may have just been giving you what they could at the time and yes, unfortunately, it was a 'honeymoon' stage that almost ALL RELATIONSHIPS go through. I get it, you've been through Hell and you deserve it ALL. The other person does too though. The honeymoon stage being 'over' means the other person doesn't get stuff too
you know. Or is this just about YOU? That's a heck of a way to run a relationship. Also, did they REALLY PROMISE YOU THINGS or did you try to manipulate your way in? Be honest here.
I have learned over the years that even the best intentions can be derailed by Life and there are VERY FEW 'BAD ACTORS' when it comes to dating. Just people trying to date while living the other aspects of their lives to the fullest and to their best capabilities. I've learned to LOOK AHEAD and not bury my head in the sand when it comes to 'upcoming trouble' as far as Life happening. I've also learned that not everyone is good at this whether it be they simply don't know or are too stubborn to think that it will happen to them. When I say trouble, I really mean regular Life changes actually. These aren't bad things on their face. They are things that happen within regular circumstances of every day Life. Thing is, most people don't like change. They especially hate change when it comes to age. You know, the whole 'hold on to your youth' thing. They want to be forever 27ish if you will. Grown enough to do things but not grown enough to not be able to whimsically go off for the weekend to say Cabo. Or stay up late at night, knowing that 5 am has you quite busy. These things just aren't things you
Especially when dating someone with a child or a super busy job. Things are ALWAYS going to come up. Plans and whole LIFE PATTERNS CAN SHIFT IN AN INSTANT and stay that way for LONG PERIODS OF TIME. Removing any 'fun' for either party and having folks passing each other the road, beeping at each other just so they can see each other. I'm not saying you need to STAY IN SUCH RELATIONSHIPS. What I am saying is that you need not make someone a 'bad person' because these happen and they have to handle their business. After all, you chose them because of those traits more than likely and they are just doing what they always do. Especially if they've done so FOR YOU. It's just not your turn to be the main focus.
Of course now if you need to be the main focus, you need to ADMIT THAT. Admitting that and choosing people that can truly do that for you is important. Don't go picking someone you 'admire for persevering' and then expect to add your burdens to the list of things that they have to 'persevere' too. We all want someone to be there for sure. Choose accordingly. Don't set you or that other person up to fail if you know you need more attention than they can truly give. Understand that sometimes, they need a moment too.
"Relationships take work" is the saying most people lean on but I don't think they understand that the work is usually made up of not succumbing to the pressure of milestones, chasing dopamine hits in the form of trying to recreate stages that are designed to end and not finding comfort and love in the safety of knowing your partner (Good and bad) and them knowing you. That seems to be most of the work. That and keeping everyone out of your business.
You may have NONE of these challenges or anything I have written here today and again I say 'HATS OFF TO YOU. ENJOY THAT and PLEASE DISREGARD. You are blessed.."
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