Is the way we date flawed?

http://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topics&forum=4&page=4

I kinda touched on it here a bit but I really want to examine that. I mean, for as long as even I can remember I have been getting a mixed message about dating in general. By dating, I am talking yt speak so that means anything short of marriage, just to clear that up.

I was bought up to respect woman but that I certainly had no obligation to them or the relationship that I was in. The woman I dealt with followed suit too as that is what they were told. The problem to me in that though is that even though we felt that way, we carried on the facade that many people today (and I assuming in the past did). We 'acted' like we were all in on the outside but on the inside we were plotting and scheming on ways to make sure that we didn't 'become all in'. That was cool in the relationships that didn't last per say 'cause, well they didn't last. (But who knows what would have happen had everyone involved gave 100%) However, in that relationship that did last, all of the damage that 'pretending' to be all in can cause has had to be repaired. Or at least had to go to the 'relationship repair shop'. Some of it is STILL in that 'repair shop' and is going to take a long time to fix. Thus my issue with 'dating' or what it has become. See the above link (it is pretty Work Safe) to get what I am saying a little more in detail.

Read it? Good. Now we can continue. Like I said in that linked post, I just think that we don't 'practice' the idea of a good relationship enough. Nor are we getting the right message to do so. Are you (or I) supposed to just wake up one day and know how to compromise? Know how to TRULY deal with people's shortcomings instead of throwing them back in their face by either duplicating them (trying to teach them some sort of lesson) or just not talking to them about it but slowing stewing and becoming bitter? Or are we supposed to bounce from relationship, thinking 'it has to be them 'cause it isn't me'? These are the things that I feel are destroying relationships. It may sound silly but these (and many more things) are common place in a relationship and for some, is what a relationship is. That's sad. No wonder nobody wants to take the next step...

Just some questions I have...I don't want to go into too much 'cause I want some actual feedback. Maybe as it comes up, I will add on or make more posts about it.