Tuesday, September 18, 2012

(Grown Folk's Talk) 'Perfect People' and their misguided sense of entitlement..

Listen, I think we ALL want things a certain way. We want our meals prepped a certain way. The weather to be ideal for what we like to do. The things some of smoke to be of a certain grade and all of that other happy shit. Some of you out here though boy... y'all are ANAL WITH THIS SHIT. It is ridiculous. I know some of you are gonna read this and cite ALL TYPES OF WILDLY successful people who have this 'My Way or The Highway' mantra. Cool. They also compensated folks VERY WELL for having to put up with that shit. The folks I am speaking on are not. Compensation = whatever the trade off is...not necessarily money either.. While it may work 'well' in business for some AT THE TOP, it doesn't bode well in other factors of Life....

One simply cannot go around treating every situation like it is a 'depressive relationship'. Some 'relationships' cannot be cultivated in that manner for they are 'expressive relationships' and should be treated as such..

Expressive relationships should be self explanatory. You can 'express' and exchange ideas FREELY. Talking openly and the idea that change, when necessary is good and not to be fought. 

Depressive relationships in a nutshell are 'My Way or the Highway' type deals. No discussions. Very closed off. No back and forth brainstorming. Just 'Do as I say...' for the most part. Not really  fair as this type of relationship is one-sided and BOTH SIDES FEEL THAT PRESSURE. 

Example: Brother/Sister...Husband/Wife BF/GF.... friend/friend...all should be expressive relationships for the most part. There are times on the job when, depending on the level of the participants, and 'expressive relationship' is necessary as well as you need to BE ABLE TO KEEP WORKERS so that work can be done. It is just that simple. Especially as the jobs get more complex. Note I left one relationship out of the 'expressive' example. It was on purpose. That's a WHOLE post within itself. It does involve a complex level of both relationships that ebb and flow over time probably more so than the other examples I gave. Again..another post..another time...

How does that tie into 'perfection'? Quite simply if one thinks they are 'perfect' (or as close to perfect as it is going to get for those of you who want to 'split that hair'), then they often use depressive tactics ACROSS THE BOARD. This is not good for any of the parties involved. It breeds anger and a feeling of 'I have to do everything' for the person 'abusing' this tactic and it belittles those that have to engage with the 'perfect' person on a daily basis. In addition, the depressive tactics are often 'oppressive' in that the 'perfect' person has to watch over every minute detail and they are never 'wrong'..even when they are...well wrong. While the 'imperfect' person, even when 'right' is never allowed to live down their 'wrong' due to the constant 'reminding' of how 'perfect' the 'perfect person' is due to the daily berating they give out. The mental abuse if you will.

Hopefully those that use this tactic will read this and adjust accordingly after hearing how it sounds....

This is the 'nice version' of what I want to say. I could end it here I suppose but I know you didn't come here for that now did you? Besides, we all know that the 'perfect' person will just 'run right over this' like a buyer would run over a speed bump in a crack infested neighborhood on their way to get back to their house to get high so... Here comes the 'blue' language... . Keep reading.. If curse words aren't your thing, you can probably stop here. You have a general idea where I am going with this. You are gonna miss out though. I promise you that you will at least laugh OUT LOUD one time if you keep reading AND the point I am making will be done so more poignantly.

Before I REALLY start I would like to say that I say EVERYTHING I SAY HERE on the daily in my personal life. No need to 'read into' shit. EVERYBODY AROUND ME ALREADY KNOWS my feelings on these subjects and it isn't like it won't be available to read on my Facebook and the like. All out in the open. Thanks for playing though.. @ speculating.

Well it is ridiculous when you it comes to you then expecting everyone else to cater/care about your happiness in regards to your 'particular ways'. Some of you REALLY expect someone to make your ass happy when YOU can't even make you happy? Really? C'mon man. Stop. More importantly, you REALLY expect perfection WHEN YOU FUCK UP ALL THE TIME? Naw... 

You know, I could see if 'your way' was 95-100% successful. Or even that same percentile when it came to uniqueness. Then there would be no argument. Any scenario that has that high of a success rate CANNOT BE ARGUED WITH. Here's the problem though...

It is usually is not... -_-. 

You are usually using THE SAME IDEALS/PRINCIPLES that the rest of us are using only you don't want to hear it from 'us'. Your penchant for control is so DOMINANT that can't nobody tell you shit. Which again, would be cool if NOBODY ELSE WAS AFFECTED when you fuck up but 9/10 we ALL FEEL IT WHEN YOU MESS UP. All of us. 

I mean, understand, nobody is out here to make 'you' mad and ANYONE WHO DEALS WITH A OVERLY PARTICULAR PERSON usually does everything in their POWER TO NOT HAVE TO FEEL THE WRATH of that person being unhappy but yeah...you have to cut this shit out. What about when 'we' aren't happy due to YOUR INSISTENCE on doing shit YOUR WAY? Don't hand me that shit about 'Well, I'm upset at myself too..." either. "We" don't want to much hear that right now 'cause let that have been us fucking up... Be all types of incompetent, stupid motherfuckers out this bitch.. 

Furthermore, what about those times when you 'step in' to make something better 'cause nobody can do this shit like 'you can' and 'after further review' under the replay booth, the 'play still stands'? @ when you LOUDLY AND INDIGNANTLY stated the original idea was shitty and it turns out YOURS was the idea that is shitty and the ORIGINAL IDEA, WHICH WAS IMPLEMENTED FOR A REASON, is now once again the idea we are going with. What about then huh? 

What about that hot shit on a stick? You know where you mumble some shit about 'I'm sorry' MAYBE if the rest of us are lucky and you've wasted valuable time that you CAN'T GIVE US BACK? Why don't you ever remember THAT SHIT when you are spouting off at the mouth about how 'incompetent' folks are around you and how you 'hate stupid people'? Where's your memory at then? Oh now you wanna have a 'breakdown' huh? Naw... Fuck that... 

Now don't get me wrong, I know NOTHING I AM TYPING HERE is gonna change how you and 'MOST' of your treatment towards WHOMEVER IT IS THAT FORWARDS this to you as a not SO SUBTLE hint that they feel this way. What I am saying to you is that when you DO act out like a child whether it be over the most minute of details or a COMPLETE 180 of whatever needs to be done and it fails, don't acted 'shocked' when folks go 'over your head' or 'around' you. Don't act 'shocked' when you get residual attitude for DAYS UPON WEEKS over that shit. Why? 'Cause the chances are that if you are out here 'expressing' you are the ONLY REASON shit gets done because when things are done 'your way', shit happens, WHEN IT FUCKS UP you kinda deserve to get that in kind. Wait..there is no kinda to it. You do. Period. 

You see the thing about 'most' folks who feel their way of doing..well..almost everything.. is better than everyone else and the rest of the World is full of idiots who serve no other purpose but to get in 'their way' is that they are..............'human'. They fuck up too. On the regular. 

The difference is, the 'normal fucked up people' don't waste their energy bitching about the 'perfect person's' fuck ups. See the 'normal' person knows ALL TOO WELL THE CONTEMPT that breeds in a person when they are CONSTANTLY TOLD that they are incompetent over 'the smallest of things'. So they don't do that to others. The 'normal' people are too busy out here 'cleaning up' after the 'perfect' person to help make them appear 'perfect' in most cases. 

Maybe they should treat 'perfect person' the same then huh? That isn't going to matter much to most 'perfect people' fam. They are so SELF ABSORBED that they aren't gonna let a little setback like BEING COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY WRONG fuck up their 'perfect' record. All they are gonna do is cite their 'perfection' in other times and brush that off. They have to 'see it' for themselves outside of the situation. Repeatedly. Even then... no guarantees..@ actual change...

The other funny thing about the 'perfect person' is that they seem to THRIVE ON LOOKING FOR THE FLAW and they seem REALLY BOTHERED THAT THE REST OF US AREN'T AS UPSET AS THEY ARE ABOUT THE 'FLAWS THEY HAVE FOUND'. I have news for you perfect person. The World is full of flaws. The rest of us have long resigned to the fact that nothing will ever stay perfect. Don't get me wrong... we ALL BITCH ABOUT THE FOLLOWING THINGS. Difference is, we aren't out here mad at the World about it like you seem to be. We've accepted that it has to be done and SURE aren't out here busting other folks chops about it. Here are some examples. 

You cut the grass....Damm if the shit doesn't get Sun and water and GROW RIGHT THE FUCK BACK by next week. (Hell, sometimes before then if the right combo hits..) 

The dishes.. We use them. Every day. You could wash them ALL. Somebody is going to use them tomorrow. Cleaning the whole sink out isn't going to change the fact that tomorrow morning, SOMEBODY IS GONNA PUT A BOWL IN THAT MOTHERFUCKER. Somebody is gonna put a spoon in the once empty dishwasher. That somebody is not the bad guy. Sorry. Things happen. Ditto with the laundry. Shit is never gonna end. Imagine how the PERSON WHO IS DOING THE LAUNDRY MUST FEEL. Knowing that the VERY CLOTHES ON THEIR BACK WILL HAVE TO RUIN A PERFECTLY GOOD EMPTY CLOTHES BASKET in just a very few short hours. After they spent their time emptying said basket. Just think of it that way... 

Your desk. It was made for work. Things aren't gonna stop appearing on it. In particular if you are 'perfect' and you HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS to the questions that the 'normal' people aren't 'competent enough' to know. That is if you could marry yourself to the idea of ...you know..LETTING THEM WHAT THEY NEED TO KNOW SO THAT YOU CAN LET GO OF THEIR WORK SO THAT THEY MAY DO IT THEMSELVES.. I digress though...

Giving your time and effort to something and it not working out or it failing. Nobody likes to fail. Just because we don't throw shit or bitch loudly does NOT MEAN THE REST OF US ARE HAPPY OUR TIME WAS WASTED. We've just figured out that for the most part, bitching and moaning about something is a bigger waste of time if no change is going to come out of it. We all put time into it. You aren't the only one. Get over yourself. Please and thank you. 

This is my absolute least   favorite thing about the 'perfect' person. When they toss up the following bullshit ass statements.

"I have to do everything around here...."

No the fuck you don't. Let me speak for EVERYONE ELSE who does shit 'around here' right now. No the fuck you don't. Maybe you do some things that folks don't 'appreciate' like they should*'. That's cool. What exactly THE FUCK WOULD YOU CALL A DISMISSIVE STATEMENT LIKE THE ONE YOU MAKE WHEN YOU HAVE THE STONES TO SAY YOU DO 'EVERYTHING' around here though? While you are off, 'doing that very important thing that you do', others DO OTHER THINGS. Go peep the list up top for some of those things if you can't muster up the thoughts as to what those 'things' might be. I don't 'have' to live with you or 'know' you to know that you don't do 'everything' or anything CLOSE TO 'EVERYTHING'. There aren't enough hours in the day to do that for one and for two you are too busy doing those 'two to three things that must have YOUR PERSONAL TOUCH ON THEM' to have time to do the mundane shit that is VITAL to your life. So lets clear that crock bullshit up right now. You don't do everything. You just aren't around to see it being done, messed up again and fixed back up. That's not the other person's fault. Just like they don't see what it is you 'do' or have to go through 'cause they aren't there. 

"You people wouldn't survive a day without me...."

Go the fuck away then. We will see. Oh wait...you've done that before and folks.... wait for it.. SURVIVED! Were things done the way you wanted? Nope. Probably not. Some things were done BETTER than the way you wanted 'cause your anal persona wasn't hovering around meddling. Newsflash: Some shit actually works better if you'd just get out of the way. Let some folks 'fail' so that they can succeed. It is okay. Someone did that for you..(More on that in a minute).. For some, it is the days WITHOUT YOU that make the days with you more bearable. Know that....That wasn't very nice was it? Yeah well neither is you saying the dumb shit you are saying either so....

The other thing I find 'funny' about 'perfect' people is their recollection of their 'past'/childhood/etc. For some reason, they have this ideal that they were 'perfect' the whole time. Wonder why that is.... -_-. I know...IT IS THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM WHO DIDN'T TELL THEM THE TRUTH! Oh now those same people will tell YOU OR I the truth about them but for some STRANGE REASON, they insist on letting the 'perfect person' feel like they have been infallible since creation. Basically on some Jesus type time. Oh yeah, they might wax on about some 'physical mishap' or deficiencies here and there but they NEVER...ever...ever..ever.. speak on any 'mishaps' of any other variety. All of their decisions were 'perfect'. Naw....... Not believing that shit. Sorry. Good grades are cool and all but that shit doesn't mean you are 'perfect'. @ what is usually cited as to why. Great, they got the memorization game down. @ grades. Doesn't make them 'perfect'. It can be a 'factor' in it but those within themselves does a perfect person not make. Funny though how those same 'folks around the 'perfect' person as a child, treated them with the empathy that they probably deserved growing up but the 'perfect' person doesn't have a 'HINT' of that in their make up as an adult. No empathy or understanding of 'non perfection' in others while THE VERY UPBRINGING they most likely had was BLANKETED in that. Very telling indeed.  I don't have a degree in that shit though so I am gonna digress.. but you get what I am saying don't you? Good. 

So am I saying that we should all be above reproach when we mess up?

Let me be emphatic. 

NO. Accountability is important and when you are wrong...you are wrong. 

All I am saying is that getting up on your horse about 'being right' or thinking you are right' EVEN WHEN YOU ARE WRONG is wrong. I am saying that those of you running around here seeking perfection while touting you are perfect are wrong. I am also merely stating that  to err is human and everyone has accepted that except you...Mr./Mrs. Perfect. and that it is high time you do. 

Or at least if you are not going to don't be shocked by the responses/effort you receive from that that you do 'need'. Lets make no mistake about it, you need people for if you, OUT OF ALL PEOPLE, could do it all yourself you would. You can't though. You need help. Lets try and treat 'the help' less like 'the help' though as they endure your MANY MISTAKES AND MISSTEPS and deal with them with the aplomb of Cinderella while you are on your Wicked Stepmother shit. Aight? 

I referenced business at the top (and some throughout this piece) and I thought I would be remiss if I didn't offer up a specific paragraph on it. Although I feel like I know a few people who take the 'micromanagement' idea ACROSS the board so I don't want to say this is just 'business' advice. lol Go get this book. It may help you see what I was speaking on about 'having to have your hands in everything.." and why that is NOT A GOOD IDEA all the time. For you or the folks you are 'micromanaging'. Help you do it more efficiently AND help them deal with it better as well.** I know Steve Jobs has y'all out thinking that if you just follow his blueprint, you will be 'great' but I feel like his case is not the norm. 

*See, it's called humility. You should acquire some. ASAP. Especially since you will have to 'deal' with people.. 

**I know someone is going to read this and think I don't think 'authority' is a good thing. Far from it. Someone has to be in charge. There is a way to do it though. Sorry.