Let's speak on the "past" a bit. I think that some of you are a lil confused as to what dealing with the past entails. Some of you have a "story book" ideal on how it gets dealt with. Let me break it down for you......
Anytime that you have done something to someone that has hurt them to the core, you can count on a couple of things:
They are not going to be happy.
The level of "respect and trust" will change. (More on this later)
What you used to get away with will no longer fly if you plan on still being with them.
They will try to hurt you in some capacity.
All of these things are HUMAN TRAITS PEOPLE. Now, there are some people out there who are the EXCEPTION but by and large, the rest of us are going to act on all the things I just touched on.
They are not going to be happy. This sounds so simplistic that I shouldn't have to go into it. But some of you just don't get it. You DID THEM WRONG. They are not supposed to like what you did. And no, you don't get to dictate how long they get to be angry about it either. Just because you thought that it wouldn't hurt them that bad because of the way that they were acting towards you (which is why you may have done what you did) DOES NOT MATTER. Get that out of your head. You were wrong. Accept it. Man up and deal with the bed you have made. You are going to get cussed out. You are going to have to deal with some form of the truth either with what you did, how you hurt the person or what they may have been doing while you were hurting them.
The level of trust and respect will change. Again simplistic. But some of you can't figure out for the life of you why you can't go to the Waffle House at 3 am anymore by yourself. Well let me clue you in. THAT'S WHERE YOU WERE MEETING THE PERSON YOU WERE SCREWING. Hello!! Someone is supposed to trust you again on that shit? Really? Some of you can't figure out why your spouse/SO is asking to see your pay stub every two weeks. Well seeing as though you keep STOPPING AT MACY'S OR BEST BUY every Friday and blowing bill money, they have to do so. Some of you can't figure out why the other person doesn't consult you about important things anymore and just does them on their own. When you flip them off every time a discussion that doesn't involve Dancing With the Stars, Brittney Spears, or the Houston Rockets, how many more times are they supposed to come at you? Once someone finds out your MO on the way you were doing wrong, you DESERVE to have to earn that once blind trust back. You don't just get it back with some crocodile tears, a couple of romantic dinners and a few weeks of good behavior. Some of you know this though 'cause if you caught someone on the foul, you MIGHT NOT EVEN GIVE THEM A SECOND CHANCE. Which is sad. I wonder how many of your SO's really know that about you?
I don't have to address the third one too tough 'cause I pretty much laid it out. The rules change, as they should, once you are found out. Sorry. That's the way the cookie crumbles. Shoulda thought about that before.
Now the last one is tricky. Everyone has limits. Sometimes though, certain people are not pushed to their limits too often so there is a belief that they would "never" do certain things. Take that outta your mind. That is NOT TRUE. Take it from someone who is perceived to be one of the nicest people that any of their friends knew. Once they found out how I got down when I was upset, all that changed. But it took them years to see that. Most times, you will NEVER see it in this person. Do yourself a favor. Never lose sight of the fact that it does exist in them. For you own good and safety. I don't care how non threatening they seem. I don't care how much "self esteem" they have. How high classed. In the name of revenge, people will go far below their standards. I have had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing that in someone else too. Bottom line, once a person is fed up or hurt or whatever, NOTHING IS OUT OF THE QUESTION. Hiding money, fucking your friends, disrespecting you, disrespecting themselves to spite you, leaving you high and dry, all the way down to hurting those that you both mutually may love (whether on purpose or not). Once a person has been hurt like that or suspects that there is something that can hurt them like that taking place, all bets are off. Not only do you have to be prepared for that but you have to UNDERSTAND where all of that is coming from and put it into perspective. Be prepared to hear the justification for the act via the hurt that you caused. You may see people acting "outta character" in the name of hurting someone who has hurt them.