Chapter 6..

Well, it looks like this book is going to end on  Chapter 6... Ironically, around the same time of year that it torridly started. I don't think this is an accident by any means. 

It probably should have ended on Chapter 3 but only God truly knows why it got this far. I can think of tons of memes/biblical verses and such that would 'explain' all of that away but I suspect the answer is pretty simple.  I've written tons about the dissolution, including on the days it was 'wrapping up' and a few days after but haven't published it yet. Still mulling that over. I didn't call off the writing of the book but I got tons of 'feedback' later on in the days after from the person who did call it off. I thought this was a book that I'd be writing until....I wanted to stop writing the book long ago at one point but I got accused of being a quitter and guilted about seeing my marriage through death by giving up on this book..Only to have the co-author, a known quitter twice over, stop writing the book ultimately FOR THE SAME REASONS I SAID. Reasons that are chronicled on this VERY BLOG AND PUBLISHED. Probably my fault on that one, huh? Maybe, but marriages END for different reasons so assuming someone is twice removed from one and is all the way at fault is probably not fair either. There I go being human and showing empathy again. Something I apparently lack... I guess I know both sides now very well. In any event, I had decided that I was going to see the book out. Can't now though. It happens. 

For a few reasons, I don't want to get all the way into the details but this isn't the first time the co-authors have taken this route. I'm just a little tired of the cycle. It's so draining. Emotional outbursts and things that should be reserved for strangers in the street led to a not so nice response to one party. Fake outrage. Other parties involved. 

As usual during this time, I'm going forward. I take threats of moving forward seriously and I assume other parties are involved when such processes happen. It is the common practice in this book. I JUST don't have the emotional capacity to get around the removal of other people's energy (That I'm not bringing to the situation.) in what I consider a sacred space this time. I just don't. Tired of the technical rule being used when we all know it's still a foul if you are just going to pick right back up. My rule is if you have to 'explain it, then downplay it, then make grandiose assurances that it was nothing', then you know probably shouldn't have been doing it. Especially if you don't have the greatest history of 'forgiving and forgetting things' (made up or otherwise) yourself. 

It's not my style to involve others in my mess until I'm done. It does take me LESS time to be done with a situation though personally due to my past. Perhaps I'm not alone in that but I'm also not the one who reaches back out to rekindle so there's that. I don't think you are 'over someone' when you reach back out to rekindle (Reaching back around through being blocked on accounts/phones..) but I'm finding out I must live in some alternative universe or something. I also wouldn't ask for help from someone I'm disconnected with days before breaking up with them either but hey... Everyone is different. Co-Author is apparently different in that way. 

Anyhow, I KNOW my blog is checked (Thursday September 30th, 7:50 PM.). It has a TRACKER. I know people's IP addresses. They are LABELED. Coming here is just that. You COMING here. It's where I type my thoughts and anyone checking it is COMING TO ME.. (aka reaching out..). Just know that I know that. The words are therapy for me. Of course, it has another meaning but that meaning has two sides to it as well. Being honest sometimes doesn't bode well for possibilities in the future. Oh and "Hey.. to you down there in Ashburn, Virginia..), I see you too. I know who you are too. You are good money though. You are just checking in on your family. Real family. 

The dissolution at this time on Chapter 6 reaffirms that for me... I was honest. It got thrown in my face a lot. I was honest HERE on this blog. Again, thrown all in my face. 

Anyhow, that's all I want to (or probably should say) for now. I already detailed my side in some unpublished posts in real time so that I don't 'misremember' my intentions at the time and at the appropriate time, I'll probably post them just to pull the bandaid off of this book. Or, I just might let that shit be man.