(Let me preface this with a few words. First off, yeah, SOME OF THIS IS PERSONAL. So what? I don't right about what I do not know about to some extent. I just don't do it. Sorry. I do not guess when I write. If it is not YOUR REALITY I am happy for you. Feel me? Second. All of it is not JUST MY EXPERIENCES. I am using other people's experiences too. Third. It says parents because not every child lives with their two parents. Some children have two sets of parents. Some people are doing it by themselves so it only applies to the parent not there in the house. All different types of scenarios. Some of what you are about to write may apply to all scenarios and some of it may apply to none. I am giving the info, as usual. What you do with it or how you take it is up to you. I am just writing about what I know)
(Sighs) Hey. I know you are busy over there doing work from work/watching Lost/playing Scrabble/watching the game/talking on the phone to your friends/etc/etc but I just wanted to talk to you about a couple of things. I sense the feeling that you are agitated about the state of affairs in regards to the children and such. I feel that way too. But you seem SURPRISED that this has been as challenging as it has been. I am not sure if that is due to your jaded memories of your childhood, naivete' or just not knowing that it would be this hard. In any event, I feel this is one sided a lot.
Now again, I know that you are a busy busy person. Always have been. I was too. Remember? When we first had these kids, it was a change for sure. We both adjusted well so it seemed. We could pretty much pack 'em up and take 'em where we were. (Except to the club of course 'cause well you know..) When we did need a lil 'break', our none kid having friends, Aunties/Uncles, and the like would be begging us to take 'the new additions.' It was all good. I told you then though to enjoy it 'cause they would eventually demand more of our attention. Which is why I re arranged my schedule pretty much then. I could see how we couldn't do what we always did forever. You decided not to and felt no changes were needed. Oh sure, you made some adjustments to your social calendar only after it was ABSOLUTELY necessary. Your mentality did not change though. Whatever it is you deemed that YOU needed to be doing, you did it. Found a way to do it. Even if it helped us and hurt us at the same time. This is where I suspect things got uneven. Somehow or another, it was deemed that I would do the sacrificing on the daily while you continued to do what it is you do. Good, bad, or indifferent. I guess it is 'my fault' for not bringing this to your attention sooner but you KNOW that on the parental tip, you have NOT BEEN DOING YOUR PART. Funny thing is, you are doing it under the guise of 'things that need to be done.'. Things that could either wait, may have to be sacrificed or just are not conducive to what we have going on here now. Or my favorite reason. "Cause you do it better." (Looks at you sideways) It may have 'worked' (insert years) ago when they were little and there was no homework and the like but it SURELY isn't working now.
So here we are now. It is now uneven. Everything should not get done by one person a majority of the time. This a two person job and that is the mentality that I have taken simply because that is OUR REALITY. Yes, I know some of your friends (male & female)do it 'alone' but lets not forget the COUNTLESS number of times we have had to intervene/help/straight take over for a minute 'cause the other person was not 'there' like they shoulda been. So lets not act like they are over there doing it and it is cool. 'Cause it is not. They are doing what they can and that is admirable but you can't cite that. I know too much about their situations and WHAT ISN'T HAPPENING. Ya dig? Matter of fact, since we don't have that kinda support system, I would dare say that 'we do it alone'. Never looked at it like that, did you? We are other people's support system but at this point, no one is or can support us and in turn if you don't help me.....Get the picture? Single parenting all over again in a couple situation...Sound like fun to you?
This is not to say that you do NOTHING. You do. Thing is, you do it with an permanent attitude a majority of the time. A teeth suck here. A reluctant 'Okay' there. I am almost begging you to do shit. Wow. You take whole 'days' off 'cause you are tired. I never punch 'out' of parent mode if I am there. You? You make statements saying you "I need a moment." I feel like I can't do that. That is not an 'option' for me. Okay, ooh I get 'one day' to do what I want. Ooooh. That isn't even a full 24 hours either by the way. That really amounts to 'day time hours' like from 9-6 or some shit. lol Then it is back at usually with you ready to pass off the responsibility like we are on a 4 X 100 relay team and I am running the lead and anchor legs. Newsflash. They are YOUR KIDS. How is it that you can't stand to be around them for more than 8 hours at a time? WPOTGIT? (What part of the game is that. For those that can't translate that.) Wasn't it you who wanted a kid? I coulda swore that was you. Did you drop that person off in the river one day on the way to work? I am not understanding. I need THAT PERSON BACK HERE.
Look, I am not saying I LOVE doing all of these things at times either. I don't love picking up blocks. I certainly hate shitty diapers. Homework? Shit, I don't like that either. I like to cook but the short order thing for multiple people is a bit wearing 5 outta 7 nights a week. Couple that with separating children while they are doing homework while trying to cook dinner and it is a bit hectic. So I feel you on not LOVING to do these things. But they have to get done. That wonderful childhood that you had did not come with a maid and wait staff for your parents. That is the side that you didn't see. You don't remember it 'cause they had enough sense to shield you from it evidently 'cause you SURELY DID NOT SEE THIS PART COMING DID YOU? Your reactions to it are telling. It is if you thought we would change some diapers, teach them to count and read and they would just be self sufficient like you thought you were. lol You weren't by the way. Legend in your own mind. You were just like every one of us who thought we could take care of ourselves 'cause we could babysit some kid from 7-12, had a part time job, cook some fucking Ramen and do good in school. Naw B. That was called playing 'grown up'.
I need you to step it up and stop acting like this is a movie. Where you earn money while I full time parent in addition to whatever jobs I may have too (that is the way you look at it so) with an occasional backup from you with attitude.
This is life. Isn't that what you always said when people were telling you that you 'act wise beyond your years'? Or when your friends/co-workers/subordinates/etc complain about the rigors of life to you? Stop with the attitude when I ask you to parent too then. If you gotta 'step in' to check homework 'cause I happen to fuck up doing it then maybe you shoulda been helping from the fucking door. Ever think of that Sherlock? If you have to cook dinner one night 'cause it 'isn't done when you got in' then cook that shit. You live here too. Shit. You like to eat don't you? What did you do before me? Whatever it is, shut the fuck up and do that if need be. But lose the attitude. Do you know how much I would 'cost' if I was getting paid to do the things I am doing for all the waking hours of the day? More than your damm salary perhaps (or at least more than you would be willing to pay times 4 depending on who you are and what you do) Oh and just so you know, NOBODY likes doing laundry and cleaning the bathroom. It is not exclusive to you. I hate that shit too. I don't run around bitching about it (or in some cases just flat out not doing it) though. Just do it and shut up already.
So here's the deal. Either you get a much higher paying job so that neither one of us have to do this work or chip the fuck in like everyone else in the World does in their own households. Like your mother and father did. Stop complaining about doing things around the house too. The kids are watching. They might think it is okay to complain ya know. Then you will be asking me dumb shit like "Where do they get this sense of entitlement?" and I will have to point at YOU. And you KNOW I WILL DO THAT.
Sincerely,
The Equally as Tired and equally as under appreciated Co Parent.
P.S.
I am tired too...Shit..If we are both tired and shit don't get done IT IS NOT MY FAULT SOLELY. Fuck that. Miss me with that shit.
Now I wrote that for all of the people that wish that they could say it and don't. The parts of that I have experienced personally? Don't worry. I said them. If you know me, you can even 'see me' doing it. I just want you to think about that the next time you come home 'to a mess', or things are not done 'the way you would do them' as a parent in the house. Some of you have the ego of a superstar when it comes to your 'co parent' and can't figure out where the cold dinners, mediocre sex game, or straight silent attitude is coming from . Just saying...Next to money, this is why people leave.
