Monday, January 21, 2013

(Words) Intervention, Truth & 'Moving On' : Where I am at with her death at this moment..

These are all Facebook STATUS updates that I turned into blog posts 'cause well....I felt they were a little long winded to be just status updates. I am going to post the link of Facebook 'cause the first one 'explains' another pretty cryptic status update I put up which got me ALL KINDS OF TEXTS AND PHONE CALLS. aka It Struck A Nerve.

The other ones will probably strike a nerve too I'm sure.


When you pray for intervention, you can't frown about how comes to you. You just take the intervention as it comes and be thankful you got it.

Intervention has come to me in ways that I've seen most you Usain Bolt from. Stop running. Let it work for you.

Let me be clear. Someone saying something is not always intervention. Sometimes that is nothing more than noise. Most of my interventions have been full of action.
With few words.

This time period has been no different. Only this time the actions are continuous. Some words and a lot of action. All for a reason though. No matter how fleeting..

I'm all man so I'm gonna take every bit of it as I can for what it is worth.

I'm ready when I'm ready @ whatever is going on. Stop worrying about me not knowing. Moving.. kids....moving 'on'....I'll do what I do when I do it. When i wanna do it. How I wanna do it.

Handle yours. Please. I've been through more than I've even told you. I'm still here though.

 Admirable that you are worried about me but it is clear that your attention shouldn't be on me. It should be on handling yours.

Listen to what you say to me and heed it yourself. Maybe it isn't just me....ya know? Maybe it is you and it is just more convenient to say it is me. Stop using me to avoid your own shit.

I hold no pretense as far as my readiness. I didn't know the date she would leave. I'm probably not ready for a lot of things if we are gonna keep it funky.

Things still need to get done. I'm gonna do em. The best way I know how. Just like I did before. Got me here right? Okay then...

Let me say this though....

None of y'all have done what I'm doing. None. It shows too cause you keep telling me I'm not ready for ( you can insert numerous situations here. You will of course insert only one... dating. That's a mistake btw...I can't tell some of you shit though so... I digress.)  yet here the fuck you are...asking and telling I should be. Double talking. Telling me what needs to done. What I 'have to do'. Not asking...not gently advising.... telling!!

Oh? Word? Oh okay....Naw...

She never told me what to do. Fuck makes you that you can?

Does this mean I don't want advice? No. Don't want support? No.

Have I made it happen without that though being abundant from a sample pool of thirty people? Absofuckinglutely!

I just need you to listen to what you say/ evaluate what you wanna do in regards to me really carefully cause some of you know you have no business doing what you are doing. You know the positions I don't need to be in but yet here you are. Putting me in em.  And I'm trying to be nice...I'm not gonna be nice in a minute. Maybe you need to learn how to come at me. Maybe if you already have bullshit, maybe I don't need to be a party to it. I'm all stocked up on bullshit to deal with over here. None for me thanks.

She was bout the only person who could filter that.  She isn't here. Her memory is what's stopping me.

That's not gonna be enough in a minute.

Why do this here? @ these words today. Well shit cause some folks need to see me say it that's why. Duh!

There are that many you too and quite frankly I've got bigger fish to fry. As you so astutely keep pointing out like I don't know this or haven't been about them since the first one came on Mother's Day 1998.

If this doesn't pertain to you, chuckle it up, hit like or whatever and keep it moving.

If it is you though....yeah...if its you. Do what you need to do. I am.


Raw emotions.... good and bad. Jersey flapping in the rafters and practice sessions showing things are intact. Offers to play for teams that I quite frankly refused to play for before and teams who should have been recruiting me from the gate but only showed interest once I got 'drafted'. Even got offers from the 'Celtics'...interesting indeed...

Pondering staying in retirement though not cause the game has changed. It is I that has changed..... I travel different now. I'd be on my AI talking about "Practice? We talking about practice?? Not a game...not a game.... " cause all I've done for almost ten years is show on game day, fill my role, win and go home. I ain't about that practice life at this juncture.

Brand team is defunct in a sense. Gotta carry on the name though minus the CEO of my corporation that I hand picked. Started from the ground up. @ company.

I own the team too though so I can move it wherever. Whenever i want to. Copyright and all. The name has my Daddy's blood on it...- a certain NC rapper..

Thing is...ugh....yeah...

I have to be cryptic cause I can't tell all as it isn't my nature anyway but I kinda gotta let it out some so...besides y'all asking on the sly so..


Sometimes you have open yourself up to the possibilities of the worst to get to the truth. I haven't forgotten how we learned that lesson TOGETHER Jane. I can rest assured NOW knowing I know what is was now. It is what I suspected originally but unfortunately the raw emotions and sudden flurry of 'details' that folks sat on conveniently till you died, muddying up the truth with their half baked theories full of speculation and bullshit.

Downstairs btw...not upstairs. She never went there...-_-. Just one the many misnomers I've heard as you guys hear "what happened" or what drove what to what from folks who, I've never seen in my life and have never been to my home. Listening to them feed you info due to them being 'close to the situation'.  Never seen em before. But they 'know'. They know so much that every 'detail' they have given you was wrong. Smh Only thing they got right was she was gone...that's it. life having mofos shall not prosper around here though. Do me a favor. Don't ever intro me to those folks. Don't wanna to know em... Have no use for em...

You niggas oughta quit. @ making up shit. Yeah I've heard the rumors. Didn't know us then... still only know 4% now...@ some of y'alls 'friends'

Tell your friends to run up on me with shit. Please. I'm waiting.

Let me not Kirk all the way out...

Faith.. resolve...tough questions.. and facing things head on have netted the truth though...

Mother Hen Jane doing her. As usual. Doing it all when you didn't have to. @ what. If folks know you like they claim they do to whatever capacity that is, then they will get that. If they don't.... speculate on they will. I can't do shit about that.. have it.

I'm in a different place now than a few weeks ago. Back where I started when you passed. Investigation over for me.. I'm satisfied with my findings. Y'all got that..

 I've still got your Zen over here Pretty Gal @ my job/role in your life. Correction our life. Just gonna give it to the girls now :). You knew that though. Love you. Muah