Thursday, December 20, 2012

(Grown Folks Talk) It's been a month already X Blackout on Blog lifted aka the Women Are Back

The song says it all... 

Yesterday made it a month since you've been gone. I probably won't do it like THIS every month but I'm also sure I won't stop counting 'em for a good minute. Huge hole still here. Things are rounding themselves into shape, like I knew they would BUT that doesn't make it any easier to do or deal with. The 'baby's' birthday went well....

....Wait, why I am telling you these things like you don't have your hand in 'em? I guess to make myself feel better. *chuckles*. Anyway, there is so much that I want to write here but I won't. I know you know this is my outlet but you also know I've already reverted back to circling in the wagons. I hope to give a good mix of both here in the future. Giving pertinent information to continue to help others who have had to deal with this and the peace of mind that I haven't shared EVERYTHING and maintain some sort of privacy within my own standards. So far, so good. I don't feel like I've given a WHOLE lot. Just standard stuff. That said.. more 'standard' sharing coming in the next paragraph as I want folks to know it is 'okay' to do or not do certain things in their own time.

Your clothes are still intact. Sans your white dress shirt that the oldest always wears to her concerts for violin. I know you were sitting there smiling as the child played her heart out last night. I can't bring myself to even begin to try to 'move' them and as a result they occupy the same space they did when you left. Your car however, had to go. Matter of fact, they both did. Too much memory. Too much sweat equity. Hair everywhere. Cars seem to want to steer in directions that I'm just not ready to go yet and your car in particular PERMEATED of you. As it should 'cause...well... it is YOUR CAR. So yeah, I had to tear that band aid off and get rid of them both. As usual, you kept your promise that I would one day again do something in regards this situation. Thank you baby. Again. No hesitation on it either other than I wish you were once again hear to enjoy that with me. I mean I know you are 'here' with me but I can't touch you and look at you whipping it so THAT HURTS. 'Cause I damm sure would put you on the road in it and watch that hair flow. Watch you put on your lil driving gloves and them glasses.. Lip gloss popping. Pretty lil thang whipping around with that vigor that I taught you when I taught you how to REALLY DRIVE. Simple pleasure I know but one that I took in every time.

Every hour. Just about every minute.. between the jokes.. the laughter...the handling of business... the music (Hell, the music is mostly inspired by...) Thoughts of you... I don't always verbalize 'em 'cause...well..I know I WOULDN'T WANT TO HEAR THAT SHIT ALL THE Understand though.. they are there. :)

Everyone has been so gracious and kind with their words. My WHOLE OFFICE at my former job that I knew had your obit up in their cubicles. It was pretty amazing to see. Calls from everyone. Amazing.

I truly appreciate it. Kids do too.

Still.. there are times... well...yeah... @ alone. Unfortunately, there's not much anyone can do. Only thing I can do is walk DIRECTLY into those times so that I can 'walk back through' the other side of pain for a minute. That's it really.

The rest? You kinda already know so I am not gonna put it here....Or not in this post at least. Maybe I'll let some songs talk for me or put it 'poetry' form.. *shrugs*

The wall is slowly coming back up it seems. Slowly..


As y'all can see, the 'blackout' is over. For now. I'm not sure 'how' this event is going to affect the blog though. I suppose I could go back totally to business as usual but we will see. Like I always say, IF THIS IS 'GOODBYE' to your visits, I hope you enjoyed your visit and I thank you for even reading what you have read thus far. You could have spent your time anywhere else. You didn't. So thank you. This is what I DO THOUGH. @ the content and such. Not gonna change that. I may take my time getting back to it OF MY OWN CHOOSING but not for you. Sorry. 

The Twitter 2 X Series coming to an end but have no fear....

I probably will 'retire' the Twitter 2 X of the Week series and bring something else in its place. It is only fitting that MJI be the last one I think. I have to think of a name and all of that though so that makes it pretty 'difficult' in that regard. So it may TAKE A MINUTE for me to do replace the series.

Concept will be the same though. Plenty of candy BUT with some sorta underlying 'spotlight' on the other side of that person. 

Oh you didn't 'get that' out of the series before? You weren't paying attention then. The point was always to promote their attractiveness in a POSITIVE WAY. Not a positive way according to how 'you would do things/would want your woman to act/act as a woman' either. In THEIR WAY. I was never here to make a woman feel some type of way about loving the way she looked. Y'all can keep that. You can ask ANY OF THEM WHO EVER GOT FEATURED and to a gal they would tell you the first thing that they enjoyed about the series was how 'tasteful the words were' and how they were presented. How they felt 'humanized' by the post as opposed to being 'demeaned' by ugly language and labels that they didn't 'ask for'. Those that 'did promote themselves' in that manner got that but for those who just wanted to 'do whatever it is they do' and still be known as human, THEY GOT THAT HERE. That's what the series was about. That is what it will continue to be about. Sometimes spotlighting those who WANT TO BE KNOWN FOR THEIR PHYSICAL and sometimes spotlighting those who SHOULD be spotlighted for it but somehow are not BUT ALWAYS SPOTLIGHTING THEM AS HUMAN BEINGS. With feelings. Get it now? How do you think 'she' would even 'condone' such a series if I was out here degrading women? Yeah.. okay..-_- 

For some 'smart' people, some of you are pretty dense man... Aight.. enough about that.. Mess around and turn this into a rant up in here. Not what I came to do....

My interview log is BACKED UP obviously BUT THAT WILL BE BACK TOO. Just give me a minute. I have pretty concrete plans to be in Durham on NYE though so there might be SOMETHING on that front that I can 'share'. @ Pics and such. Maybe though. I am gonna be amongst 'Friends' so I might just 'chill'. Usually though, when I do JUST THAT, I get some of my better posts. We shall see though...

'Preciate y'all who still COME BACK AND CHECK to see what is cooking over here. Slowly but surely, things will get back to where they were. Thank you for your patience. Just out handling the day to day business that is to be expected when one's spouse dies. Thank you..